The Original Keyboard Cat Will Give You Nightmares

The good folks over at Buzzfeed have found the original keyboard cat, and he’s pretty damned scary.

Maybe it’s his soul-sucking stare, or the fact that he’s accompanying a particularly bad/creepy rendition of “Jesus Loves Me, Yes I Know” (which is creepy enough on its own) to an audience of bored-looking children. What exactly is this cat’s motivation for learning this hymn (or whatever it is)? Is he planning to feast on the flesh of the non-believers?

Also involved is a hamster playing a drum. This might explain the turgid tempo of the song. The hamster looks like he’s been forced to play the drum for days on end, given only enough sustenance to keep his little hamster heart pumping, until he’s just ready to die. The whole thing is completely lacking in the joy and excitement you’d expect to find accompanying a cat playing the organ. When the children applaud at the end of the piece it’s likely they’re just glad that it’s over. Or they are celebrating the impending animal sacrifice. One of the two.

At any rate, the cat’s performance seems to hint at some kind of deep-seated evil lurking deep within the depths of his (or her) soul. Whatever the story is behind this cat, you can be sure it is sinister. This is one cat who has eaten its fair share of human eyeballs and/or souls. Where does the interest in the organ come from anyway? Did he play for the victims his owner kept tied up in the basement while he waited for them to die? Who does the hamster answer to? Is he the cat’s slave? These are just some of the disconcerting questions raised by this terrifying video. Watch at your own peril.

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Erik Oster is an Assistant Editor at The Faster Times and a writer, editor and musician from Fairfield County, Connecticut. After graduating Goucher College in 2008 with a degree in creative writing, ...read more

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