2011 MTV Video Music Awards:The Year Of Lady GuyGa
Things got a bit hairy at the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards Sunday night.
Lady Gaga grew a 5 o’clock shadow and pranced around stage as her male alter ego, Jo Calderon talked about her in the third person, Bieber got beaver fever and decided to dress as a lesbian librarian, and Katy Perry’s big square desperate attempt at seeming creative failed miserably as disappointed viewers realized that for the first time in recent history, they wouldn’t’ get to see her shoot fireworks and/or whipped cream from her tits.
Lady Gaga left many mouths agape and minds mystified last night as the beloved female megastar haphazardly sipped scotch and stumbled around stage performing “You and I,” looking something akin to a young Jewish Elvis Presley. At one point in the performance she rolled off the side of a piano and plummeted to the stage floor. The fans went wild, solidifying the fact that whether it is wearing a meat dress, dressing as a condom, traveling via giant egg or becoming a man, Lady Gaga can do no wrong.
A recently skinny and unfunny Jonah Hill presented the award for Best Pop Video, along with Nikki Minaj. The un-dynamic duo performed a painfully over rehearsed skit playing up the similar thoughts of fans and viewers alike who seem to believe that along with losing all the weight, Jonah simultaneously lost his ability to make people laugh. Unironically, no one laughed.
Despite the fact that I was unaware that Britney Spears was still producing music, she won the best pop video category with “Till The World Ends.”
A surprisingly cute Shaun White and elderly looking Miley Cyrus presented the award for best rock video. To my delight, the Foo Fighters snagged the moon man for their song “Walk Again.” Dave Grohl used his acceptance speech as an opportunity to preach to the youngins, telling them to, “never lose faith in real Rock music.” Sorry Dave, but I think all hope is lost when Katy Perry manages to win video of the year with lyrics as compelling and thought provoking as, “Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?…Boom, boom, boom, even brighter than the moon, moon, moon.”
As if Rebecca Black’s recent YouTube fame isn’t embarrassing enough, the young starlet made a short appearance dressed in a dinosaur costume as Joe Jonas pointed and laughed at her.
Jack Black, Will Ferrell and Seth Rogen, also known as “The Beastie Boys of the future” presented the award for best hip hop video to Nicki Minaj for “Super Bass.”
Katy Perry and Kanye West won best collaboration for E.T. I patiently waited for a drunken Taylor Swift to rush the stage and interrupt Kanye’s acceptance speech. “Imma let you finish Kanye, but Lil Wayne has the best collaboration of all time…” Sadly, it never happened.
Pitbull and Ne-yo performed “Give Me Everything” alongside an unknown naked chick with strategically placed black lace.
Perhaps the most shocking moment of the night was when I made the realization that Adele is the same age as me, 23. Adele performed her haunting song “Someone Like You” momentarily causing audience members as well as myself to get a bit emotional.
Of course Justin Beiber’s army of tween fans ensured that he won best male video for “You Smile,” even though, in my opinion, he is the last person that deserves it.
Joe Jonas took the stage with his fly open.
Chris Brown, who I’m convinced is the best dancer since Usher, performed “Yeah x3” which morphed into an homage to past hits from Wu Tang Clan and Nirvana, among a few others. Laser beams and a flying trapeze helped to spice things up a bit.
Lady Guyga discussed her love and idolization of Britney Spears. “I used to hang posters of her on my wall and touch myself,” Gaga/Jo said right before presenting Britney with the Michael Jackson Video Van Guard Award. A flock of twelve year old girls took to the stage representing all of Britney’s memorable video characters from the innocent catholic school girl of “Hit Me Baby One More Time,” the sultry flight attendant from “Toxic,” and the ridiculous red leather jumpsuit from “Oops I Did It Again.” Gaga and Britney almost locked lips, but disappointed the crowd by pulling away at the last second.
A pregnant Beyonce performed her song “Put Love On Top” as proud papa Jay-Z smiled from the audience.
Tyler The Creator won best new artist for his song “Yonkers,” who is so new I don’t even know who the hell he is.
My favorite performance of the night was Young The Giant. Sexy lead singer Sameer Gadhia wriggled around the stage on his back as fans grabbed at his writhing body.
The cast of the Jersey Shore presented the award for best female video to Lady Gaga for “Born This Way.” One of the Jersey girls attempted to make a joke and an awkward silence fell over the audience.
For unknown reasons, Russell Brand was chosen to speak about the loss of Amy Winehouse. They honored the loss of the singer with a video of her singing a duet with Tony Bennett. I tried to be respectful of Winehouse, but all I could focus on was the fact that Russell Brand allowed his wife to be seen in public with that horrendous block of yellow cheese on her head. Bruno Mars performed a tribute to Winehouse, and I remain mystified that the world is so accepting of his hair.
As previously mentioned, to my dismay, Katy Perry won video of the year for her song “Fireworks.”
The show culminated in a performance by the ever talented Lil Wayne jumping around stage naked. The entire performance was bleeped out and came to a close with Lil Wayne attempting to play the guitar, which to this day, is the most amusing thing I’ve ever witnessed, other than keyboard cat.
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