World Not Over, Girls Running It

With the world totally not over, Beyonce lets us know whose running it.

Now that the world is officially keepin’ on keepin’ on, it might be a good time to make one thing absolutely clear: “Girls Run This Mother.” I could as well leave it at that, but I will go on. In her new video, Beyoncé and her army of buff, sexy broads in Arab-inspired slut-gear answer the burning conversation piece, “Who Run the world?!,” with a resounding, “Girls!”

While this my have been said before, never has it been annunciated so fiercely and repetitively in a 4:49 minute pop song. Well timed, Beyoncé. Harold Camping’s big rapture-prediction let-down is ushering in a whole new era. When’s the last time a women banked millions of dollars and the well-being of her multitudinous followers on a doomsday that didn’t come? Furthermore, after a week in which the world’s most evil man, a respectable man, and a superhero man all revealed themselves to be one in the same; Perverts, whose greatest ambitions are an empty room and wireless access, or a housekeeper; It’s about time we ladies made it official.

Men seem to be shifting to two polls: Lady Men, unidentifiable from females besides the raging calf muscles (dead give away) and Cave Men, waving their proverbial clubs up and down this Mother (Yes, Beyoncé we’re keeping it).

Justin Beider just came out with a perfume #LadyManInTheMaking.

P Diddy just changed his name AGAIN to…. OMG…. “Swag” in order to honor his ‘come back’. It’s not really a come back if you disappeared because everyone is over your warrantless egotism. Lady man, please.

Osama, Strauss-Kahn, and Schwarzenegger got caught being: Cave men.

Meanwhile, back at the sexy side, with all those fabulous legs, Beyoncé’s ‘Girls’ are running this mother! I feel like I have to repeat that a lot of times after watching this video for some reason.

Lady Gaga’s wearing whatever the f*ck she wants all the time #RunningTheWorld.

Hillary Clinton’s jet setting around the globe talking to poor people about democracy and pretending to care #RunningTheWorld.

OUR MOMs are loving us unconditionally because they made us and feel we ‘are them’ or whatever #EverydayIsMothersDay.

Madeline Albright is mad respected.

Bridesmaids: Female comedy killing it at the box office.

Carla Bruni married to Sarkozy and singing really pretty French songs.

Amy Poehler! Hilarious! #RunningThisMotherLOLS

Sure Obama may seem like he’s ‘running the world,’ but behind every powerful man, there is: Michelle Obama dancing with elementary school kids! To a Beyoncé song! The same artist who tells us, ‘Girls Run The World!’

I hope this message reaches not only the testosterone-drunk masses of full-grown men who grew up with a patriarchal framework, but also the baby boys, innocent to sexism. Who, in fact, will grow up under the care of working mothers, surrounded by women Dr.s, lawyers, and U.S. Presidents (#Oprah2016!), believing women to be equally capable as men. You, too, little baby boys! Let it be known that we RUN you. And supply your food through our nipples.

If I haven’t made my point clear, then maybe it’s because you’re a guy and you don’t know how to listen to a woman due to unconscious stereotyping, you misogynist wanker. Now I’m sad and have my period.

Anywho, I’ll end this with a quote from my idol, Valerie Solanas, “To call a man an animal is to flatter him. He’s a machine, a walking dildo. “

(I used to scream that out the Hotel Chelsea through a blow horn every night at 8 pm #RunningThisMother)

More Articles By Faster Times Girls Running The World:

Keep Your Goddamn Apocalypse Away From My Kids

“Public Speaking” Review

Game Changers: The Women of Game of Thrones