Huckabee to Portman: Stop Glamorizing Single Motherhood

Rep. Mike Huckabee took offense to Natalie Portman’s shameless ‘pregnancy-glow’ at last Sunday’s Oscars, despite not having watched it.

The Huffington Post reports, in his interview with conservative radio show host Michael Medved, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee expressed concern with Portman’s acceptance speech. Portman, looking positively pop-able, gave thanks to her fiancé, Benjamin Millepied, calling him, “my beautiful love… who has now given me my most important role of my life.”

This speech left me ‘veklemped.’ Others were less emotionally taken, more ‘this floozy is the problem with America.’ Host Medved, who first of all hated Black Swan (See this article for my opinion on that), was appalled. I guess Natalie’s show of romantic love and maternal pride conflicts with his notion of a healthy family.

“She got up, she was very visibly pregnant, and it’s really it’s a problem because she’s about seven months pregnant, it’s her first pregnancy, and she and the baby’s father aren’t married, and before two billion people, Natalie Portman says, ‘Oh I want to thank my love and he’s given me the most wonderful gift,” said the radio host in a righteous flurry.

I hear ya’, Medved. Portman’s just walking around all huge, not even trying to cover herself up with a big… box… or something. She probably should have stayed home and pretended to be dead to save her family the shame. Or at least she could’ve refrained from referring to her bastard child as a ‘wonderful gift’. Apart from her being seen and loving her child, Medvev also took issue with the whole baby-before-ring thing, stating, “He didn’t give her the most wonderful gift, which would be a wedding ring!… It just seems to me that sending that kind of message is problematic.” Indeed the song does go, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” One point for the G.O.P.

Medved went on to ask Huckabee, in what was clearly an ‘I’m-asking-you-this-so-that-you-can-reasure-the-Christian-right-that-you-have-family-values’ set-up, his thoughts on Portman’s speech. Huackabee explained that he didn’t watch the Oscars, “because usually it’s about the most boring waste of several hours that I’ve ever experienced,” (obviously he didn’t know about TFT’s engrossing live-blog). He then wasted no time in expressing a very strong opinion. In Good Old Boy ‘I-always-have-firm-opinions-regardless-of-my-ignorance’ fashion, Huckabee rallied up some down-home judgment for the pregnant winner.

“People see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet who boasts of, ‘Hey look, you know, we’re having children, we’re not married, but we’re having these children, and they’re doing just fine, ‘… And I think it gives a distorted image… It’s unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of children out of wedlock.”

It’s unfortunate that Natalie had to be spilling over with ‘glamour’… and ‘glory’… as she waddled up to the stage last Sunday, or whatever Huckabee imagines happened during the speech he did not see. Maybe he sees Natalie standing naked, belly exposed, being pleasured by Lady Gaga and free-styling about workers rights with Kanyee West. She is passing a blunt with her three-year-old cousin and laughing about naming her baby ‘slut-face’. But none of that happened, Huckabee. The twenty-nine year old actress was the picture of grace and beauty. And she seemed genuinely in love with a man she plans to raise her child with. Not that that’s anyone’s business anyways.

This is not the first time a Fox News personality has taken issue with a female celebrity for promoting single-motherhood. Bill O’Reilly took Jennifer Aniston to task last April for saying that women no longer have to wait for the perfect man to have children; “She’s throwing a message out to 12-year-olds and 13-year-olds that ‘Hey, you don’t need a guy. You don’t need a dad.’ That is destructive to our society.” I don’t think Aniston had 12 year olds in mind when she discussed the empowerment of women to create their own families. I think the forty-one year old single actress was probably thinking about herself and you know, getting what she wants in this one chance she has to be alive.

Both O’Reily and Huckabee will be glad to hear about a new U.S. Federal study finding that young adults are having less sex. Some assert that this drop is a function, not of abstinence programs or STD awareness, but of the simple fact that teenagers have less time. This concerns me. My best friend in high school used to say, ‘You can never be too tired for sex.’ And she wasn’t. All the extra-curricular activities not-withstanding, high school students six years ago still managed to get down, regularly, in whatever oddly-shapen or otherwise less-than-optimal spaces they could find (Basement laundry rooms being particularly popular). Our youths must be overly burdened if they can’t find the time to lose their v-cards.

It seems that the fragile masses of young Americans, potentially so influenced by the unabashed joy of Natalie-sinner-Portman, are less sexually active than their predecessors. But is this really a good thing? Huckabee is a fervent advocate of Michelle Obama’s agenda to end childhood obesity. In my experience, the amount of peanut butter I consume has a direct coloration with how little sex I am having (guess which indulgence I am partaking in now?). Young adults are no different! You want to motivate high school students to get in shape; Stop teaching them that sex will send them to Hell. Not to mention the stress-reducing benefits of a good ‘bonking.’

I’m quite sure that Mike Huckabee, who finds the Oscars a “boring waste” of time, couldn’t care less about Natalie Portman. I’m sure he was simply giving Medved the answer that his constituents want to hear, particularly as he is rumored to run in the 2012 Presidential Election. So, I will address Huckabee’s constituents as well, namely the Christian right, in shamelessly declaring; Love is the only ‘family value’ worth defending, and Portman was positively bursting with it!

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