Love is a Gamble: The “O” Face Edition

Dear Addy,

I am fortunate enough to be having sex with a certain person who is quite vocal about when he is about to have an orgasm and makes a lot of noise when he is actually coming. This is a big turn-on, and extremely convenient. But, in my previous dating life, it was always a big mystery to me when the moment was imminent and often even when it was actually happening. Sometimes when I was giving blow jobs, the guy would actually come, but not release much semen, so I would keep going until he said, “Ow, stop.”

It would have been nice to know what was going on, so I could adjust my moves accordingly, but short of just saying, “Dude, tell me when you’re coming” I never had any idea.

What clues should I have been looking for?

Sincerely,
Clueless in New York

Dear Clueless,

First of all, congratulations on finding someone who has eliminated some of the guesswork for you. Sex can be tricky enough, it doesn’t need any added ambiguity. Knowing when (or even if) your partner has climaxed is, arguably, one of the most important indicators of sexual compatibility. Continuing to suck and pound away after a (male) orgasm is sort of like continuing to dance once the DJ has stopped spinning. No one wants to be that guy.

Ladies, on the other hand, myself included, sometimes enjoy extended stimulus, which may lead us to the brink of another glorious O. Then again, some women can’t handle the intensity so soon after climax. Always remember that vaginae are like snowflakes; a veritable torrent of trial and error.

But you’re right; some people just don’t give you enough information to work with. It’s nobody’s fault, not everyone can be the village screamer. But if you’re getting to the point where he’s stopping you because it hurts to continue, well, that’s just a shame and a half. Generally the physical signs you should be looking for are sharp, rapid intakes of breath, moans of increasing loudness and frequency, and a tensing of the muscles especially in the legs and pelvic region. When it comes to the mythical beast known as the cock, I find that most men become harder than diamonds right before their “big finish.” Plus it’s pretty easy to identify this handy indicator of a man’s pleasure:

If you had asked me this question back in your mime-fucking days I would have the following bits of advice to offer:

Step 1: Let your man know that you’re having a hard time figuring out when he’s about to come and it’s starting to make you feel anxious. (Note: This is what experts like to call the KEY STEP.) The worst time for this chat is mid-coitus, so try and time your approach so that you catch him in a relaxed mood.

Step 2: Ask if there’s some sort of way he could let you know as he’s getting close. It doesn’t have to be a vocal cue or cheesy safe-word, it could be something simple like a tug of your hair or a pinch of the nipple.

I’m glad that you found someone who makes his bliss crystal clear, since it seems that your silent partner’s lack of expression was frustrating you. I hope that your quiet riot found himself a mute princess and they’re giving it a go somewhere in Connecticut.

You see? All’s well that ends well.

If you’ve got a dirty, sexy, difficult question that you’d like answered, send an email to: loveisagambleTFT@gmail.com

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