White House Shooting Suspect: “It’s Not Just a Coincidence that I Look Like Jesus”

According to one witness known to have known Oscar Ortega, he’d been talking for some time about how Obama “needed to be taken care of,” and he wasn’t talking mandatory healthcare, either—even if what he carried concealed from Idaho to Washington did count for a kind of public option. But when he took his plan to D.C., Obama was in California, which just goes to show: Ortega was no doctor anyway. If he knew anything about human anatomy, he’d have known that in order to take care of somebody with a gun, you need to be shooting from within the same general time-zone.

Ortega doesn’t want his quest to be understood as a joke. It’s right there in the audition tape he made to Oprah—as in: “Please do not take me as a joke or as a deception.” As in: “I have never felt so sure that I was sent here from God to lead the world to Zion.” Well, whoever prosecutes him won’t take him as a joke, although by then he may be wishing they would. And in order for something to be taken as a deception, some kind of deceit has to have occurred. So far, Ortega’s been able to deceive no one, unless we’re all just crazy and he really is, as he says, “the modern-day Jesus Christ that you all have been waiting for.”

We can joke about it because of the bullet-proof glass in the White House windows, and because of the incompetence of Ortega’s personal assistant in coordinating his and the president’s respective schedules. We’ve known there’s a larger faction of nuts out there waiting for Obama than there has ever been for maybe any other president, and we’ve known it since long before Obama was actually elected. That there haven’t been more of them in the news is one of the few nice surprises of his administration. So we can laugh about it, because this time it turned out to be a whole bunch of nothing….Oh, and also because he left this audition tape for Oprah:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35s9q1esk3A