Man Returns Bike, Wants Higher Reward
Being decent just doesn’t pay what it used to. Even in Sweden, that’s the truth. When a man there recently returned a missing bicycle that he’d found, and rece... ...read moreRush Limbaugh’s Make-Up Grammy
To run Rush Limbaugh out of town on this one comment would be kind of petty, which is why I look at it more as like the racketeering charge for a gangster on whom none of the mu... ...read moreDarth Vader’s Example Lives
Bob Anderson, the man who took over over for David Prowse in the Darth Vader costume to perform Vader’s light-saber duels, died this week. He was 89, and now he’s a... ...read moreMan Stabbed for Not Knowing His Jay-Z Trivia
The knowledge that Jay-Z is married to Beyonce may be trivial to you, but it’s no longer trivial to a certain unnamed 48-year-old, now in reportedly good condition in a hospital... ...read moreFirst Amateur Drinker of the New Year Can’t Even Wait for the New Year
When they took Bradley Garrison, 40, to the police station, they couldn’t even give him a Breathalyzer, he was puking so much. They’d just finished pulling his car over down the... ...read moreThe New Pecan-Theft Epidemic
Down where the Pecan Belt wraps itself around Georgia, the New York Times finds today that pecan theft is a persistent epidemic, growing more persistent all the time. Twice as m... ...read moreRingling Bros. Fined Record Amount for Cruelty to Animals
Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus has just been fined more than a quarter-million dollars for the way some of their animals get treated in putting on the Greatest Show ... ...read moreTSA Screener Arrested for Sexual Assault
Harold Glenn Rodman, 52, charged in Virginia with abduction with intent to defile, aggravated sexual assault, forcible sodomy, and object sexual penetration That a TSA officer ... ...read moreHoover’s Fingerprints: ‘J. Edgar,’ and a Half-Century of Criminal Crime-Fighting
Since his death, J. Edgar Hoover’s had one hell of a strange career at the movies. Not quite as strange as the career he had as director of the FBI, for 48 years while still al... ...read moreNYPD Arrests Pipe-Bomb Terror Suspect
Jose Pimentel, 27, arrested in Manhattan for constructing pipe-bomb with terrorist intentions The suspect identifies with al Qaeda, even if al Qaeda does not identify with the ... ...read moreFollow Us
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