Is a Giant Lizard Invasion Really Such a Bad Thing?

For the record, I am obsessed with dangerous wildlife. I like the idea that we are still in danger, as it gives me hope for the animal race, and somewhat substantiates my day-to-day anxiety. For the past year, I’ve been thinking a lot about feral hogs, which can grow up to four feet high, eight feet long, and weigh up to 800 pounds—also, they will eat you. They are so aggressive and blood thirsty that a lot of states dealing with feral hog infestations don’t even have a hog season—you can hunt hogs year round. The only rule is that you can’t hunt alone. It’s too dangerous.

So obviously I was pretty intrigued when I heard that Florida is currently dealing with some kind of giant lizard plague. The lizards are 7 feet long—and apparently everyone is so afraid of them that Scott Hardin, a coordinator at the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission, issued some sort of Independence Day (the movie) promise, saying, “We plan to go after them aggressively to either try to eradicate them or suppress their numbers if they are determined to be established.”

(In lieu of going after one themselves, residents are supposed to report sightings to 888-IVE-GOT1.)

However, I was disappointed to learn that this lizard invasion is only deemed dangerous for the following reasons:

1.) They are “alarming” to humans.

2.) They have been known to be defensive once cornered.

Well. Don’t corner them, then.

I mean, isn’t this a state that deals regularly with the blood hungry, prehistoric reptile beast (i.e., the crocodile)? I feel like accepting the presence of one more ugly and potentially dangerous species is probably no skin off the Floridian teeth. And actually, going after a certain kind of animal just because it doesn’t look cute on your patio probably makes you the monster.