I’ve Been Damned With Faint Praise
I have received some constructive criticism. It is not a Nigerian Craigslist scam.
Subject: damned with faint praise
T he Faster Times shoe horned itself unbeckonned into my life and after relegating it to spam ,I read your S and S intern post while doing housecleaning in the Spam section. It struck me as the bemusedly ironic voice of a child of the overclass with a dusting of “Isn t everybody stupid ” confectioner s sugar . Youth today seem to marvel at their ability to discern how everything is so crazy these days ,replete with eye rolling . We are all puppets in an inexorable dumbshow and play our assigned parts ,with gusto or reluctance(it making little difference } ,always looking as if sent by Central Casting (there are few deviates )You are a representative specimen of your demographic but all that said I found the piece mildly funny.
And then the following sign off (potentially this part is complicated riddle that solves the world’s problems):
I knew Siamese twins who moved to London so the other one could drive
Note to civil war re enacters :use live ammo
Never fly an airline ,like Air India ,where the pilots believe in re incarnaton
I couldn t repair your brakes ,so I made your horn louder
What ‘s another word for thesaurus
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if no sponges grew in it
The drunk told the arresting officer “Weaving , I don t even know how to knit”
I think E I E I O in Old Mac Donald is a gross misspelling of the word farm
Why is the winner of the Miss Universe pageant always from Earth
Are you tired of leaving every party in a squad car .
I had a wonderful evening ,unfortunately this wasn t it
Honk if you re Amish
I bought a foto of 2 blindfolded dental hygeinists trying to make a circle on an etch-a-sketch
One of my fave things is to dress up like a pilot and get drunk in airport bars .
Breast feeding ,beneficial to infants is almost always fatal to elderly male heart patients
If it weren t for pickpockets I wouldn t have a sex life
I will try to take this into consideration in my future writing.
Follow us on twitter@thefastertimes
- 1 First Openly Straight Figure Skater Comes Forward
- 2 Brooklyn Man Now Living Entirely Off Own Beard Garden
- 3 “Cra Cra” Now Official Diagnosis in New DSM (DSM-5)
- 4 OfficeMax Marketing Director Struggling to Make Staplers ‘Sexy’ and ‘Conversational’
- 5 Homeless Guy Woos Silicon Valley VCs with Low-Tech Crowdfunding Startup
- 6 Area Man Tailors Life To Be More Relevant To His Hulu Advertisements
- 7 Fan Banging Furiously on Glass Could Be the Difference in Hockey Playoffs
- 8 Survey: 88% of Eagles Fans Too Drunk To Spell Nnamdi Asomugha Last Season
- 9 Attorney Actually Starting to Believe Own Bullshit
- 10 Local Mom Won’t Stop Being First Person to Like Every Goddamn Thing Son Posts to Facebook