USDA Reclassifies Pepper Spray as a Vegetable

Dear Veronica,

I have a problem that’s so big that I don’t know if you can help me, but I’d appreciate whatever you can say.  I’m at the end of my rope.  I’m a single straight guy, 29, 5’9″, 242lbs.  I live in Brooklyn.  I have a decent job with good hours, and I have a nice,…

I drive a 1998 Toyota Sienna minivan named Phyllis. I am a 22-year old female, and I do not have kids who play soccer. Or kids at all for that matter. But Phyllis was my home during my senior year of college, and so we’ve grown rather close.

Phyllis is painted a color Toyota calls “Silver…

Picture me, if you can, in a college classroom for the first time since dropping out. Yes, I’m there voluntarily, and no, not to vandalize it: thanks to someone’s misconception that I am a successful writer, I’ve been asked to do a Q&A with an undergraduate creative writing class. How long…

Looking Back on a Summer Internship in New York

The last time I was in New York City was for a three-month summer internship with Simon and Schuster, as a publicity and editorial assistant. Basically this meant that I spent my afternoons cold-calling bloggers, begging them to review our…

Cloud Sex is Harder Than it Sounds

Author’s note:  Fake names have been changed to different fake names in order to protect the fake identities of those involved.

Jacques is lot like my other boyfriends on Cloud Girlfriend (cloudgirlfriend.com), in the sense that he’s gorgeous and…

I want to avoid being too general about “the state of education” in the US, because really, what the fuck do I know?  Maybe this is just what college education means to most people: half-assed work, moderate literacy, and little chance of job placement after graduating with C’s from a…