Inaugural Edition: Jay-Z, Are you ready for your heir?
First I would like to congratulate you on being the very first star to be featured in Celebrity Tarot. You are a worthy recipient. The Grammy’s just happened, and word is you beat Gaga & Beiber. You wrote a book, and word is it’s good. Beyoncé’s got a pea in the pod, and word is it’s yours.
So, when I sat down to read your cards, I was acutely aware of all the pressures building in your life. So, to alleviate the pressure, I decided to smoke some of my roommate’s pot.
That did not motivate me to read your cards. It motivated me to watch movies.
I watched two. The first was Orlando, the 1992 film adaptation of Virginia Woolf’s novel. And the second film was The Duchess, the semi-historical drama about the Duchess of Devonshire. Turns out, it was important for me to see these films before I read your cards. They are very relevant to your life right now. How, you ask, do movies about bitches in big dresses have anything to do with me? We will get to that.
Before I begin, I will tell you that I am, and will be for all future Celebrity Tarot readings, using the Motherpeace™ Tarot. The Motherpeace ™ is a round deck. This means that your cards may turn to the left, to the right, upside down or somewhere in between; each position changing the meaning of the card. In most decks there is only the possibility of upright or reversed. What this means is that the things revealed in a reading with the Motherpeace™ are never completely black and white.
1. The Significator:
The Devil (reversed): Ok Jay, don’t get freaked out. The Devil in Tarot is not Satan. Everything in the tarot is symbolic of inner states, or outer situations. So, the devil is about our internal control systems. I don’t doubt you have a, or many, control systems. Your history, your success, and your image, require quite a bit of control–over your emotions, over your secrets, over your image, etc. That control, however, can be stifling. The good news is that you have turned it on its head. Set yourself free, son. You are on the right path.
2. The Atmosphere:
Ace of Cups (to the right): Someone is hesitant in their hearts? There is a lot at stake now. Many things to love means many things to lose. And that means you have to let go of the assertion that you will not lose, ever. You might. But, Homes, please try to understand that the things I am talking about, the things you stand to lose, are not Grammy’s or spots on the Fortune 500 list, or whatever. The things you stand to lose are the things you really love. And those things are all that matter.
The irony about these things, of course, is that if you don’t make yourself vulnerable, if you don’t allow yourself to be hurt by them, you will lose them. So, the tough guy act—it has to be an act (I won’t tell anyone). In your small life (because we all have small lives, no matter how big we are), you must be humble.
3. The Lesson:
The Lovers (to the right): The lovers are going after what they want. Your lesson: You are not alone, stop stressing, dude. Look to your right. There is the lady I’m talking about—isn’t she pregnant with your child?
4. Root (unconscious influence):
Ace of Swords: You are taking positive action toward your goal. You are using your will and your mental clarity. Even if you don’t know it, your unconscious has got your back.
5. The recent past:
Son of Swords (reversed): You have recently been through a transition that has allowed you to open up to more than your own agenda. You value many things, where you once valued only a few.
6. Sky (conscious influence):
Ten of Wands: This recent expansion has its downside. You may want to pump the brakes on some of it, Jay. You cannot do it all. You are expending more energy than usual. Be careful of your health. And remember, your unconscious knows what it is doing. Even more than your conscious mind, it appears. Know what you know.
7. Near Future:
Seven of Cups: This card points to something that is not yet formed. It can be a wonderful time if you allow it, but you have to let go. It will be even better if you let yourself be a little dreamy. It’s okay Jay. You can rest at the top. Just be careful not to crush your laurels while you are sitting on them.
8. Self Concept (give careful attention to how it relates to the Significator):
Nine of Cups: You get what you want. If you wanted was to loosen the bondage of self-control, well, then your Significator and your Self-concept are in line. If you are afraid of this, then you should stop being afraid. If that’s what you want.
It bears noting that this is the third cup card to appear in your reading. What does this mean Jay-z? It means your life is full of love, and you are preoccupied with love. How can you be so hard, when you are so full of love? You can’t do it. Just go ahead and try. I dare you.
9. Hopes or Fears:
Daughter of Cups (reversed): You are afraid of being open. Again with that? C’mon Jay. It also tells me that you might be afraid you are going to have a daughter. Remember Orlando and The Duchess? They are still important. And this is the moment we begin to understand why.
10. House (your people):
Son of Cups: So, I would say, don’t be so afraid of having a daughter, because it looks like you are having a son.
11. The Outcome:
Two of Swords (reversed): You will be ready to engage with the world again after this period of rest. But don’t think it is going to be the same. You will be a father.
The Sun: When a reading ends with a minor arcana card (don’t’ worry about what that means. I don’t know what half of your lyrics mean, and I still listen). The Sun, is a major arcana, and a suitable, nay, perfect card to end a reading on. This card is basically saying, you will, like, have it all. Everything you want. Also, it is a sun. A son. You will have a son.
So, it looks, Mr. Z, like, of all the things going on for you, the one that predominates in your mind and heart is that of the little pod in Beyoncé’s belly. Who is surprised? I am not.
So, here is where I explain why Orlando and The Duchess are important to this reading. You see, Jay, both movies are about women of influence unable to claim their lot without producing an heir (that is, a son). Your Beyoncé is about to give birth to the heir to the hip-hop throne (or the pop throne, depending on who you ask). Do you think it matters whether that child is a boy or a girl? I certainly hope you don’t, but we live in a world where a lot of people do think it matters. And the world of hip-hop is no different. In fact, the world of hip-hop is a bit behind when it comes to women’s liberation. Don’t worry, it’s not any more behind than the contemporary art scene, the literary fiction scene, NASA, the cosmology scene, etc, etc.
So what I am suggesting, Jay-z, is that you boldly go where no man has gone before. Maybe, Mr. Z., feminism is your next frontier.
Imma say it like it is now: I think you will be relieved if you have a son, because you won’t have to deal with how you feel about the kind of misogyny little girls confront Let me be as abundantly clear as I can be: I don’t think hip-hop is worse than other arenas in which woman get abused, misused, and talked to and about in disgusting ways. It’s just that you are the king, and if I can appeal to the king–who is about to have a child, who is probably going to be a son, but could just as easily be a daughter–maybe I can convince him that being hard isn’t so worthwhile, and that its okay for him to take back his words that he don’t fuckin’ feed ‘em and that the first time they fuss, he breezin’. (I know you were talking about hoes, then, and not babies, but bear with me…) I know you think about these things. You can’t be married to Beyoncé and not think about these things. As much as I would like to think of Beyoncé as an airheaded pop-star with a nice body, I know that she is super-smart, even-keeled, fair and kind. And I know you are, too. Everybody does. You aren’t fooling any of us. In fact, the big guns show, the flashing lights, and the entourage, are kinda played out. I don’t think you can sustain it much longer. And I am not saying that you’re frontin’. I’m simply saying you’ve changed. We all do. I think you’ll find it is okay to let that guard fall. You are what you are, playa.
As for your baby, I still think it’s a boy, but I want you to think about what you would do if it were to be a girl. How can you make the world better for your daughter? I think anything you would do for her would also make the world better for your son.
If you need to get a little more intimate with this idea, just listen to your wife’s song. You know the one about being a guy. . . what’s it called? Oh, right, If I Were A Boy. Put it on repeat. And watch her video too.
If I could drop some knowledge on you, I might tell you that ladies is pimps too, but you already know that, so go on, brush your shoulders off.
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