Crazy or Crazy in Love?

When Frankie Muniz called 911 last week to report that his girlfriend had punched him in the face while he was sleeping, he instantly regretted picking up the phone. That same hesitation has cost the lives of countless celebrities.

You can hear it in his voice on the tape of the 911 call — moments into the call he told the dispatcher “I don’t want there to be a big problem, I just want it to stop.” When the dispatcher asked for his name, a normal part of the 911 incident documentation procedure, he started back-pedaling.

“I don’t want to make a big deal because I am a celebrity,” Muniz said. “I don’t want there to be a big deal. I don’t want any charges — I just want her to stop throwing stuff!”

And of course, he was right. It was a big deal, at least in the world of celebrity gossip. The internet exploded with stories about Muniz’s suicide attempt (he’d allegedly held a loaded gun to his head while begging his girlfriend to stop her rampage) and this incident will forever be associated with what seems to be an otherwise normal relationship between him and girlfriend Elycia Turnbow.

He needed help, the dispatcher just wanted to send some officers over to calm Elycia down, but throughout the call it is clear that Muniz wishes he never dialed. And that is precisely why celebrities are more likely to die from an overdose than anyone else.

When Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger overdosed, the people that found them wasted precious time trying trying to figure out how to handle the celebrity angle instead of calling for help. When Ledger’s masseuse discovered his unconscious body, her first call was to Mary-Kate Olson ( presumably to get PR advice)! It took the masseuse 15 minutes to finally call 911, during which time Ledger may have stopped breathing and died.

So should celebrities be required to take a course in emergency protocol? Should they have a separate private number to call for help (maybe 911*?) Or should 911 emergency medical calls be governed by the same HIPAA regulations that protect the privacy of every other type of medical data so that people in emergency situations don’t need to worry about their career getting derailed by an embarrassing tape of a stressful situation? Tell me what you think in the comments, but please remember— I don’t want to make a big deal. I’m a celebrity.

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During the making of the Godfather films, Diane Keaton and Al Pacino were a couple both onscreen and off. It seems that every time they made a new Godfather movie, Keaton and Pacino would hook up again – even after the 15-year gap between the making of Parts 2 and 3. But it was during that third hookup in 1989 that Pacino screwed up by screwing acting teacher Jan Tarrant and knocking her up in the process. Keaton suddenly found herself with a harsh reality: the man she continued to hook up with all these years was kind of an asshole. “I remember when I was younger, I honestly believed in some ridiculous way that you didn’t really lose people – that you would find someone who would be the person you lived with until you died,” admitted Keaton, years later. “Now that I’m older, time is valuable. You just think, gee, it would have been nice if we had parted a little earlier.”

Miley Cyrus & Liam Hemsworth

Keaton’s mistake – reconciling with a bad ex – isn’t unique. Celebrities have a habit of getting back with their evil exes, no matter how immature or douchey they might be, especially if they’re not old enough to recognize a bad relationship when they’re in one. 2010 saw a number of bad couples split, get back together, only to split again months, even weeks later. It was a turbulent year for Miley Cyrus and the entire Cyrus family. After 17 years of marriage, Miley’s parents Tish and Billy Ray Cyrus filed for divorce. Meanwhile, Miley had to contend with relationship drama of her own. Miley’s boyfriend, Aussie actor Liam Hemsworth, reportedly wasn’t a fan of the Disney starlet’s risqué onstage dance moves, and they broke up in August after more than a year together. A mere two weeks later, they were strolling through Los Angeles, hand in hand. The reconciliation was almost as brief as their initial split, and Cyrus and Hemsworth broke it off for good in November. “There was no drama,” claimed a source. “The relationship just ran its course.” And although this is what they always say, it sounds perfectly plausible in this instance. Cyrus never looked in over her head during the relationship (as opposed to her dalliance with 20-something underwear model Justin Gaston), and Hemsworth seems like a nice enough young actor with the potential to be the next Mel Gibson (pre-meltdown, of course, though anything is possible). Miley and Liam were young and very fickle, but they had the luxury of having a relationship without any major complications…gurgling, pooping complications.

Jamie Lynn Spears & Casey Aldridge

At 16, Jamie Lynn Spears was out to make a name for herself. Britney’s little sis honed her comic acting skills on the Nickelodeon sketch show All That before the kids’ network gave Jamie Lynn her own series, Zoey 101. In late 2007, she broke up with her high school boyfriend Casey Aldridge, a ladykilling hot shot on the football team. Concerned Aldridge would cheat on her while at college, Spears dumped him before he could get the chance. Days later, Spears learned she was pregnant. Even though they were split up, Aldridge did right by his baby mama and proposed to her in March 2008. But Aldridge was never what one might call “husband material.” In 2009, after their daughter Maddie Briann was born, Aldridge sustained serious injuries in a car wreck, and police charged him with driving recklessly. Stating the obvious, a source blabbed, “She did a lot of growing up but he didn’t.” Rather than walk down the aisle, Spears took their daughter and walked out.

That, however, is not the end of the story. This past August, the constant stream of papparazi that swarm Britney Spears every second of every day caught her at a Lady Gaga concert on a double date with her boyfriend Jason Trawick, Jamie Lynn, and, once again, Casey Aldridge. Casey was back in the picture for two months before Jamie Lynn tossed him out on his ass, reportedly fed up with (yet somehow still surprised by) his immature behavior. Despite their history, Spears made a classic mistake: she thought the dope she was with had changed.

Bristol Palin & Levi Johnston

In defense of the Spears, Aldridge remained a private figure during their time apart. He never went on TV, laying into Spears or other members of her family. Spears never had to contend with Aldridge trying to cash on his fifteen minutes of fame. The same cannot be said for Bristol Palin. The poster child for unwed teenage motherdom (and, paradoxically, abstinence), Palin and her high school boyfriend Levi Johnston became household names after John McCain tapped Palin’s mom to be his running mate in 2008. Sarah promised her supporters Bristol planned to get married, and Levi concurred. “We were planning on getting married a long time ago with or without the kid,” admitted the self-described ‘redneck’. “That was the plan from the start.” After his son Tripp was born that December, Johnston found out that good intentions could be undone by an overbearing mother-in-law-to-be. He and Bristol broke off their engagement in March ’09, and Levi wasted no time telling anyone who would listen that the Alaska governor made visiting with Tripp an awkward experience. “She’s a politician,” he later stated. “She knows how to throw in a fake smile and look happy.”

Johnston spent the better part of the next 18 months offending the Palins in every way and saying yes to every offer he received. Shirtless pics with infant son for GQ? Check! Pistachio commercial with birth control joke? Check! Nude spread for Playgirl? You betcha! He and Bristol faced off in court on multiple occasions (he sued her for joint custody, she sued him for child support), rendering any chance of a reconciliation distant, if not impossible. Then a funny thing happened last June. After spending the day together with Tripp, Johnston texted Palin the message, “I miss you. I love you. I want to be with you again.” Really, what choice did Bristol have except to take Levi back after a romantic text like that? “Levi and I are turning a new page here as co-parents to this wonderful boy and putting aside the past,” announced Bristol. A month later, without the approval of their parents, Levi and Bristol got engaged for the second time, and Levi sounded like a changed man – he was apologizing for his past comments and prior immaturity. If it sounded too good to be true, it was. On August 3, less than three weeks after announcing their re-engagement, the wedding was scrapped for the second time. “The final straw,” said Bristol, “was him flying to Hollywood for what he told me was to see some hunting show but come to find out it was that music video mocking my family. …He’s just obsessed with the limelight and I got played.”

Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt

It’s one thing when only one half of a couple is limelight-obsessed (though it’s debatable whether Bristol “Dancing With the Stars” Palin is any less obsessed than Johnston), but things really get complicated when both the guy and the girl are attention whores. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag made a career of grabbing headlines any way they could. “Speidi” flipped their fifteen minutes of Hills fame, thanks in no small part to the cloud of weirdness that surrounded them. Glimpses into their private married life cast the couple as fame-obsessed recluses who’d spent all their money on designer clothes and $400,000 healing crystals. Montag’s friends and family claimed living with Pratt had changed her, and they weren’t just talking about the ten plastic surgery procedures Montag underwent in a single day. The term they most often used to describe Heidi Montag was “brainwashed”. Last spring, it appeared as if someone finally de-programmed Montag, who tweeted, “I am not Heidi Pratt, I am Heidi Montag.” Days later, word broke that Speidi was no more. Of course, it was always a challenge getting an accurate read off anything Montag or Pratt did. Neither one was known for being particularly truthful, and there were conflicting reports as to whether their split was real or another sad publicity ploy. When Montage filed for divorce in July, Pratt took the Levi Johnston approach of sounding like a changed man. “We love each other but I’m a fame whore and I’ll never grow out of it,” admitted Pratt. “[Heidi] knows that and doesn’t want that.” Something about this new, introspective Spencer Pratt must have appealed to Montag, and after a September trip to Costa Rica together, they had another announcement. “Costa Rica really put things in perspective,” they gushed. “We do love each other and realized we do want to spend the rest of our lives together.” Passing up a golden opportunity to escape Pratt once and for all, Montag called off the divorce, content with being weird and isolated alongside her soulmate.

If there’s anything we can take away from these celebrity romantic misadventures, it’s that when it comes to love, it’s easy to make the same mistake twice. A few romantic words or gestures can be enough to melt away past conflicts, but it can be tough to make things work if the people in question never really changed to begin with. … Unless you’re Heidi and Spencer, in which case you clearly deserve each other, and we wish you nothing but the best.

For all the latest on celebrity hookups, breakups, and scandals, check us out at SexDegrees.net, the Internet’s premier infotaining celebrity relationship database!

The post I Can’t Believe She’s Going Out With Him (Again) appeared first on The Faster Times.

Is Lindsay Lohan Having a Prison Affair?

If pornography has taught us anything, it’s that crazy, erotic stuff goes down inside women’s prisons. The beds are hard, the meals are terrible, the discipline is brutal, but the inmates just can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. Enter Lindsay Lohan. The last time Lindsay was sent up to the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California, she spent a paltry 84 minutes there. Now Lindsay faces some serious jail time – 90 days (which, in all likelihood, will be cut down to two weeks thanks to overcrowding). A look back at Lindsay’s romantic history reveals she’s exactly the sort of girl who could emerge from this experience with a new ladyfriend at her side. Let’s start with the obvious:

1. She’s Been With Girls Before

Lindsay Lohan got her first taste of lady love when she started dating DJ Samantha Ronson. Though their relationship ended in a spectacularly bitter fashion, Ronson spent time with Lindsay before she entered the clink, and later stopped by the prison for an hour-long weekday visit – a privilege the other prisoners don’t receive. Since the guards are so willing to pull strings for Lindsay, her next encounter with Ronson could take place in the back of a conjugal visit trailer. If the trailer’s a-rockin’….

2. Being Locked Up Makes Lindsay Horny

There’s nothing like a little time away from the rest of the world to make a person want what she can’t have. During one of her many stints in rehab, Lindsay texted then-boyfriend Brody Jenner, saying all she wanted was “sex and McDonalds.” Being locked in a 12-by-8 foot cell for 22 hours a day in a facility of 1,800 inmates is sure to whet Lindsay’s appetites. Besides, if Lindsay wants someone to smuggle her in a Big Mac, how else is she supposed to pay for it?

3. Sex is Part of Her Recovery

One of the goals of the penal system is rehabilitation, and if there’s one thing Lindsay knows a lot about, it’s rehab. Lindsay Lohan hooked up with snowboarder Riley Giles in rehab (uh, red flag, anyone?), who later claimed, “She’d demand sex again and again… Sex became a key part of her recovery.” Lindsay’s prison psychologists, take note.

4. She Likes People Who Don’t Snitch

Inmates know how to keep their mouths shut, and that’s just how Lindsay likes it. Riley Giles, who blabbed about Lindsay’s recovery regimen, was kicked to the curb because he wouldn’t sign Lindsay’s no kiss-and-tell agreement (oh, the irony!). And Lindsay got another lesson in the value of privacy when the nude photos boyfriend/British TV personality Calum Best took of her appeared online in 2008.

5. Lindsay is No One’s Bitch

There’s no question that Lindsay’s going to encounter some tough, scary women in prison, but time after time, Lindsay has shown a willingness to take the gloves off and throw down to get whatever – and whoever – she wants. One of Lindsay’s first relationships was with tween crooner Aaron Carter, who was already dating her friend Hilary Duff. Years later, shipping heir Stavros Niarchos III, who at the time was the boyfriend of Lindsay Lohan’s pal Paris Hilton, was seen leaving Lindsay’s room at the Chateau Marmont while Paris was out of town.

It may not be the Chateau Marmont, but the Century Regional Detention Facility is not without its charm (one might even call it the Chateau Marmont of women’s prisons). The inmates get three 20-minute meals each day, and an hour of free time. They can socialize on the basketball court, watch some TV in the common area, or take long, hot showers together. So don’t be surprised when Lindsay emerges from prison rested, refreshed, and with a new special “friend,” to boot— it’s great publicity, and the perfect way to piss off daddy.

To learn more about Lindsay Lohan’s sex life, or the hook-ups and break-ups of practically everyone else in Hollywood, check out Sexdegrees.net — the ultimate guide to celebrity relationships.

The post Top 5 Reasons Lindsay Lohan is Probably Getting It On in Prison Right Now appeared first on The Faster Times.

Moonwalking back through Michael Jackson’s spacey sex life

Michael Jackson lived a life of mystery and second only to the intrigue of the Elephant Man skeleton and military uniform fetish, was the unfathomable black hole of Michael Jackson’s sex life. As the June 25 anniversary of his death approaches, it’s a good time to reflect on his career, his music, and on what exactly was taking place between the E.T. The Extraterrestrial sheets at the Neverland Ranch. So let’s rewind the Michael Jackson sex tape.

One thing is for sure. Jackson’s sex life is complicated. Two sexual abuse accusations (complete with hours of testimony and countless creepy court sketches) failed to clarify his relationships with young boys, including a 13-year-old Corey Feldman who said Jackson showed him pictures of “venereal diseases and the genitalia” but never touched him. On the opposite end of the gender spectrum, Jackson was involved with some of the biggest little girls in Hollywood including Maureen McCormick who played Marcia Brady on the Brady Bunch.

The Brady Bunch meets The Jackson Five

In her tell-all book which featured the usual 70s starlet escapades (cocaine binges, hook-ups with Greg Brady) McCormick described dating Michael at the height of his Jackson Five fame. “Once we went ice-skating and he held my hand… I wondered if he might try to kiss me but he didn’t. After another outing, he did give me a kiss good-bye. But it was only a gentle peck on the cheek.” In an interview about her book, she told CNN “To hang out with Michael Jackson, and go ice skating with him was, you know, wow. Just an unbelievable thing.” But given the gamut of Jackson’s relationships, this was probably among the most believable.

Michael & Tatum

Take Tatum O’Neal, who he accused of trying to steal his virginity when she was 12… and he was 17. As Jackson put it to documentary filmmaker Martin Bashir in 2003, “I lay on the bed and she slowly walked over and she touched the button on my shirt to open it,” but he covered his face and she left. “She knew I was too shy for it. I was frightened. I was afraid,” continued Jackson. Tatum remembered things a little differently saying “He has a very vivid imagination.” “Michael did come over to my house when my father (Ryan O’Neal) was home, but at 12 years old, there was no way I was capable of being as mature or as sophisticated as he claimed I was.” Then again, this is Tatum O’Neal we’re talking about. Four years later they went on what Jackson described as his “first date.”

Getting frisky with Brooke Shields

Jackson dated Brooke Shields in the 80s and during a 1993 interview, he told Oprah Winfrey that “[He] always had a crush on her.” They dated for almost two years but even then, people never quite believed it was true. After the Oprah interview, Shields called their relationship “platonic” on Entertainment Tonight, but quickly added, “to call it platonic makes it seem less than it is,” which is what? A Shields publicity ploy disguised as a Jackson beard?

And that’s not even counting his mysterious second marriage to his skin-care specialist and their two lovely children! One leaked Michael Jackson sex tape could have settled this mystery forever, but it seems like that metaphorical tape may be buried with the man himself. We’ll have to settle for the wild speculation that will surely live on like a Thriller zombie.

To learn more about Michael Jackson’s sex life, or the hook-ups and break-ups of hundreds of other celebrities, check out Sexdegrees.net – the ultimate guide to celebrity relationships.

Photo by kumar303

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