Top 5 Reasons Lindsay Lohan is Probably Getting It On in Prison Right Now

Is Lindsay Lohan Having a Prison Affair?

If pornography has taught us anything, it’s that crazy, erotic stuff goes down inside women’s prisons. The beds are hard, the meals are terrible, the discipline is brutal, but the inmates just can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. Enter Lindsay Lohan. The last time Lindsay was sent up to the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California, she spent a paltry 84 minutes there. Now Lindsay faces some serious jail time – 90 days (which, in all likelihood, will be cut down to two weeks thanks to overcrowding). A look back at Lindsay’s romantic history reveals she’s exactly the sort of girl who could emerge from this experience with a new ladyfriend at her side. Let’s start with the obvious:

1. She’s Been With Girls Before

Lindsay Lohan got her first taste of lady love when she started dating DJ Samantha Ronson. Though their relationship ended in a spectacularly bitter fashion, Ronson spent time with Lindsay before she entered the clink, and later stopped by the prison for an hour-long weekday visit – a privilege the other prisoners don’t receive. Since the guards are so willing to pull strings for Lindsay, her next encounter with Ronson could take place in the back of a conjugal visit trailer. If the trailer’s a-rockin’….

2. Being Locked Up Makes Lindsay Horny

There’s nothing like a little time away from the rest of the world to make a person want what she can’t have. During one of her many stints in rehab, Lindsay texted then-boyfriend Brody Jenner, saying all she wanted was “sex and McDonalds.” Being locked in a 12-by-8 foot cell for 22 hours a day in a facility of 1,800 inmates is sure to whet Lindsay’s appetites. Besides, if Lindsay wants someone to smuggle her in a Big Mac, how else is she supposed to pay for it?

3. Sex is Part of Her Recovery

One of the goals of the penal system is rehabilitation, and if there’s one thing Lindsay knows a lot about, it’s rehab. Lindsay Lohan hooked up with snowboarder Riley Giles in rehab (uh, red flag, anyone?), who later claimed, “She’d demand sex again and again… Sex became a key part of her recovery.” Lindsay’s prison psychologists, take note.

4. She Likes People Who Don’t Snitch

Inmates know how to keep their mouths shut, and that’s just how Lindsay likes it. Riley Giles, who blabbed about Lindsay’s recovery regimen, was kicked to the curb because he wouldn’t sign Lindsay’s no kiss-and-tell agreement (oh, the irony!). And Lindsay got another lesson in the value of privacy when the nude photos boyfriend/British TV personality Calum Best took of her appeared online in 2008.

5. Lindsay is No One’s Bitch

There’s no question that Lindsay’s going to encounter some tough, scary women in prison, but time after time, Lindsay has shown a willingness to take the gloves off and throw down to get whatever – and whoever – she wants. One of Lindsay’s first relationships was with tween crooner Aaron Carter, who was already dating her friend Hilary Duff. Years later, shipping heir Stavros Niarchos III, who at the time was the boyfriend of Lindsay Lohan’s pal Paris Hilton, was seen leaving Lindsay’s room at the Chateau Marmont while Paris was out of town.

It may not be the Chateau Marmont, but the Century Regional Detention Facility is not without its charm (one might even call it the Chateau Marmont of women’s prisons). The inmates get three 20-minute meals each day, and an hour of free time. They can socialize on the basketball court, watch some TV in the common area, or take long, hot showers together. So don’t be surprised when Lindsay emerges from prison rested, refreshed, and with a new special “friend,” to boot— it’s great publicity, and the perfect way to piss off daddy.

To learn more about Lindsay Lohan’s sex life, or the hook-ups and break-ups of practically everyone else in Hollywood, check out Sexdegrees.net — the ultimate guide to celebrity relationships.

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