The Best Songs of 2011 to Air Guitar to While Naked in Your Room: A Guide
2011 has not been a great year for songs that I like to air guitar while naked to. It (the year, not my nudity) has been dominated by non-air-guitarrable down-tempo stuff like James Blake, Panda Bear, and Fleet Foxes. How the hell am I supposed to rock out with my cock out to Bon Iver? Justin Vernon is up in the woods, and he didn’t bring his electric guitar or delay pedals.
Despite the best efforts of depressed white men to totally drain 2011 of all hard-ass guitar licks, this year’s releases have provided a few additions to my naked air guitar catalogue. If you are wondering why anyone would have a “naked air guitar catalogue,” then this article is not for you. If you enjoy playing the air guitar while naked after getting out of your shower, bed, or significant other, then you get it: strap on your invisible Les Paul, take off all your clothes (actually, reverse those two–it’s going to be pretty difficult to take off your clothes with an invisible guitar strap over your shoulder), and get ready to windmill your arm around like a crazy person to 2011′s Best Songs to Air Guitar Naked to In Your Room.
The Strokes – “Under Cover of Darkness”
You hear that riff? That is some take-off-your-pants, grab the neck of a fake guitar, and pretend-you-know-chord-fingerings rock n roll. When I air guitar to this, I like to raise my shoulders up on the third note of the riff–the really high note–and then slowly lower them as the chord resolves. There’s all kinds of fun up-and-down jangle-guitar going on throughout “Under Cover of Darkness” that makes this a surefire classic in the naked air guitar anthem canon. Well done, Strokes. My naked body salutes you.
When to naked air guitar to this song: 3 AM, so drunk that you rip off all your clothes in the common room of your apartment, as your horrified roommates try to put a towel around your waist to shield your genitals from their girlfriends.
Times New Viking – “Fuck Her Tears”
It doesn’t hurt that this song is called “FUCK HER TEARS”–many of the great air guitar shredders have similarly hard-ass fuck-all names (think “Back in Black” and “Rebel Rebel”). Before the guitar even starts out on this one, the song title “Fuck Her Tears” makes me want to get some intimidating bicep tattoos and some intimidating bicep muscles and just wail, man, just pick up a Les Paul and fucking wail. NAKED. The actual track isn’t quite so intimidating or shit-kicking as you might expect for a tune about tear-fucking, but believe my denuded self when I say that this song still kicks some serious shit.
When to naked air guitar to this song: Heartbroken, fresh out of a relationship, fresh out of the shower, right before a night out in which you intend to get blasted and meet someone new, perhaps in front of the mirror after you apply deodorant, or while applying deodorant.
The Vaccines – “Norgaard”
If there is one knock on this peppy dreamer of a rock song, it’s that it’s too short; but let’s be honest, when you’re air guitarring naked to a song, an overly-long run-time can really wear on an air-riffer’s endurance. Though there is something to be said for getting all sweaty when playing the skin guitar, sweat is not always wanted when pounding away on your Gibson-less Gibson.
When to naked air guitar to this song: After a mutually successful love-making session with a partner that you really like to goof around with, jumping softly up and down on the bedroom floor so as to not disturb the neighbors below.
Arctic Monkeys – Brick by Brick
“Brick by Brick” comes to you from an Arctic Monkeys LP called “Suck It and See,” and I’m sure once you suck in “Brick by Brick” you will see that it is a perfect song to play the air guitar while naked to. It’s got that great big riff, a bar-room drunk guitar solo, and the phrase “I WANNA ROCK N ROLL” repeated over and over again. If you’re looking for something a little more evil for your naked air guitar repertoire, “Brick by Brick” is your song, Naked Person Air Guitarring.
When to naked air guitar to this song: Seducing a woman at a cocktail party; standing on the ledge of the roof of a tall skyscraper, at an after-hours drug-fueled powwow with college buddies and girls who wear headbands.
Fucked Up – David Comes to Life
Full disclosure: I have yet to naked air guitar to this song. Another disclosure: the choice of “A Little Death” is a bit arbitrary; I could have chosen almost any song off Fucked Up’s new album “David Comes to Life” for this 2011 naked air guitar round-up, as basically every track from the LP rocks space face with some grungy-ass guitar. That said, I am confident that “A Little Death”–especially the guitar solo starting around 3:25–is going to make for some fine invisible axe work the next time I am naked. And by “the next time I am naked,” I mean “right now,” as I am naked right now.
When to naked air guitar to this song: Right now. I am drunk and naked and ready to air guitar.
Until next time: keep on fake-rocking in the nude world, fellow naked air guitarists! COWABUNGA.
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