Sisterwives Season 2 Finale: Birth at a Funeral, or Kody: 1, Sally: 0

This is a bittersweet moment for all of us. The end of a season, perhaps the end of a series, is never something you can plan for. It just happens. That being said, Sunday Night Freak show will never be the same. I kind of feel like I just lost 10 pounds, at the expense of some very delicious food. Needless to say, some very mixed emotions stir in my head. And so many unresolved questions: Is Meri finalli Happi? Why do all the houses look exactly the same in Vegas? How old is Logan and what is the age of consent in Nevada? So, with a heavy sigh, let us begin.

The Browns seem to take to Las Vegas nicely. Perhaps it was the stress of “police investigation,” (which we never really saw – the most police action we ever got was from that time Kody butt-dialed them. Just saying. Conspiracy! Loose change!) or maybe it’s just warmer weather, but everyone seems happier. Kody is back to working out his stand-up routine, and what better place than Vegas! It’s a stone’s throw from a nightly audience of thousands. The little kids think they’re on vacation, and the teenagers are being teenagers, so their moping is just expected. Robyn is so happy to be relieved of the stress, she found her appetite again (more on that later). Anyway, thanks to their rental dream vacation Barbie house, they have 30 days to exist in this temporary paradise. And it is here they float, free of commitments other than FINDING A PLACE FOR 16 PEOPLE TO LIVE in 30 days.

I guess that’s a challenge in Vegas. They keep on talking about how difficult it is to find four reasonably priced homes near one another, to which I say: come to Georgia! The housing bubble burst all over everything here. Suburban Atlanta is a land of half-vacated subdivisions. And we could be neighbors!

Speaking of neighbors, they’re not in Utah anymore. So you can imagine their surprise when greeted by non-white anti-polygamist neighbors! There’s this adorable block party, which is a very cute thing to do, really. It reminds me of something from the 60’s, where the kids would play in the pool while the men drink beer and the women secretly sip martinis while offering some weak suggestion of child supervision. Unfortunately for this hour of programming, block party meant making cupcakes and awkwardly telling your neighbors about your four wives! Take, for instance, when Kody asked the first black man he’d ever met in his life if his 14 year old step-daughter was his wife, and everyone was offended. Darling that he is, Kody was way too apologetic and way too touchy-feely, justifying his misjudgment through his polygamist lifestyle (“See, if you’re a polygamist, that’s the first thing you think!” – about a 14 year old? Not helping, Kody).

Rufus, my New Favorite Neighbor, reminds the Browns of the difference between Lust and Love. Love is just for one woman, explains Rufus. Robyn is kind enough to point out how, if this were just lust, a prostitute is much cheaper. Which is just so adorable and naive, because 1. Robyn has clearly never seen a prostitute or watched an episode of Law and Order SVU, and 2. It’s just such a perfect thing to say when you’re in Las Vegas, because it’d be so easy to buy one!

At some point, Robyn and Meri travel back to Utah to pick up the pieces of their shattered life. Literally, they’re driving back to Utah to collect the things left behind in their haste to escape this alleged “investigation.” They pick up some furniture, some pots and pans, some ANIMALS. Seriously, they left their pets up there. If they aren’t actually being investigated for polygamy, maybe they should be for animal abuse, because that’s just wrong.

And I hope she doesn’t treat her baby like that, since she’s PREGGERS! Congrats to Robyn, for birthing another Kody spawn. I do so hope baby Roby-Kobyn has its mother’s hairline. As a Komedian, Kody knows timing is everything. They didn’t want to create this new life in the midst of their old one, so they waited until Vegas to really try it out. As Robyn says, “It was time. We had been married… 10 months?” which is more than enough time to 1. Acquaint your family with 14 other people, and three other moms, 2. Run from the law, 3. Move states. So I guess 10 months in KodyTime is more like four years normal human marriage time, so congrats, you crazy kids.

Perhaps there is a lesson in this: when all seems lost – when the police are on your tail and your wives are at each other’s throats, and your kids won’t speak to you and TLC is most certainly not renewing your season because you’re determined to be far too boring for a channel about couponers and little people* – the fates bless you with the best and most wonderful distraction. As much as I hate to admit it, Sisterwives is teaching us all valuable lessons. Here we are, perched halfway between a very bad day and the end of the world, and there’s Kody, finding joy in life’s very simplest pleasures. Leave it to Kody to get the last word.

*I thought for sure TLC wouldn’t waste their time with this show. Imagine my shock when I see a “coming this fall” followed by more of the same old Kody schtick. Kody wins again!

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