You Don’t Murder 500 Million Chickens Without Making a Few Enemies

The Chicken Genocide Lobby is apparently a stronger influence on the Iowa state legislature than you might think.

The New York Times is reporting that a bill criminalizing the “produc[tion], distribut[ion], or possess[ion] of photos and videos taken without permission at an agricultural facility” is set to appear before that House. If passed it would make it illegal for animal rights activists–who apparently in the past had been posing as loyal chicken torturers all the while taking videos to be posted on their liberal websites, in what is admittedly the weirdest Marx Brothers comedy of all time–to infiltrate these cock slaughterhouses (also Ayn Rand’s nickname of college) and expose them for being terrible, horrible places where happiness and morality go to die. Or something.

Says Kevin Vinchattle, President of the Iowa Chicken Murder Association:

If they misrepresent themselves to come on your operation to do something that’s not in your best interest, they ought to be held accountable for that.

Whereas I suppose the workers would argue that if a company is needlessly torturing thousands of chickens at once, it should be held accountable, too. And not just by a South Park rerun.

In the meantime, before Banksy inevitably drops into a factory farm and spray paints something totally subversive on the walls of a coop without being detected, I’ve made the defendants a little poster to raise their spirits:

I, for one, cannot wait to see what scathing chicken puns Antonin Scalia comes up with when writing the 5-4 majority decision; until then, let’s all just enjoy our popcorn cock nuggets in silence and watch the magic of corporate lobbying go forth in Iowa.

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