Dear Enrique,

Dear Enrique Iglesias,

When I was in middle school and there were slow dances, I thought you were pretty cool. However, it’s come to my attention that you are getting increasingly creepy. I think it’s time to talk about your lyrics, the “message” you’re delivering. I just want to line up these three lyrics/song titles chronologically:

1. Don’t turn off the lights

2. You can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my love.

3. Tonight, I’m fucking you.

Let me start by saying I appreciate that you were finally like screw it, you know what? I want to fuck you and I’m doing it tonight. (Don’t worry, I wasn’t “tricked” when the radio put in “Love” instead; I used my intuition and knew what you meant. No more hoopla with all this running and lights bullshit. I just want to fuck.)

And hey, thanks for my input. “Oooh Enrique, what are you doing tonight?” “Tonight I’m fucking you.” “Cool, I’ll meet you in the room in 5 minutes.” I can only imagine that then you would be like, “You can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my love.” And, assuming my light jog is a sign that I can’t escape you, you can bet I won’t turn off the lights.

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Tags: Enrique Iglesias

Antonia Clark has no music background whatsoever. She enjoys writing letters to people who definitely won’t write back, a practice exercised nightly to her diary. She also understands that black and w ...read more