I Won’t Murder You

As a single man in this crazy mixed-up world of ours, it can be hard to meet that special someone. Luckily, online dating services like E-Harmony and JDate are around to take the human interaction out of human interaction. With that in mind, I’ve made my first foray into the world of online dating using the free service, OKCupid.

Crafting my profile, though, I needed something that would stand out. The specter of the Craigslist Killer and To Catch A Predator still looms large over the internet, and while I know that I’m just about the best guy around, my charms can be lost behind the electronic veil of fear that separates man from his fellow man on the internet. I needed a potential love interest to know that, under no circumstances, would I murder them.

So I made “IWontMurderYou.”

And what do you know? People seem to dig the fact that I won’t murder them. Responses range from coy (“;)”) to warm (“I LOVE not murdering people! We should meet up and do it together sometime!”) to slutty (“Wanna meet up”, “You can come over and not murder me anytime ”) to unprintable.

Looks like I’m going to be not murdering anybody tonight!!!

UPDATE: It looks like OKCupid took issue with my stance on not murdering and took down the profile. Luckily, it’s been archived.

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