Just In Time For Riots, Ron Artest Prepares For England

The Lord works in mysterious ways–and so does Ron Artest.

It’s not that Artest is more than flirting with the Cheshire Jets, the British team overseas, or that he’s recently been involved in a mostly boring tale of sexting gone array; those two threads are pretty much what I would guess is the norm for almost any NBA player during a Lockout.

No, what makes the possible journey of Ron Artest overseas to the British Isles is all coincidence. In the summer when the one time melee starter, part time comedian, accused animal neglecter, amazing rapper, and most unashamed patient of a psychiatrist ever changed his name from Ron to Metta World Peace, he now also finds himself able to make good on his name.

Just imagine it. All of London’s poor neighborhoods are set aflame, and who is there to douse them–Metta World Peace. The man formerly known as Artest finally becomes a true artist picking up the broken shards of glass and licking them like stamps, putting store front windows back together as beautifully wrought mosaics and stained glass windows. He will teach governments to give and people to receive. He will embark on a mission of saying please, thank you, and you’re welcome, and he will mean all of them–a holy trinity of manners. The man will most likely be knighted, maybe even sainted, get his face on a coin like he was royalty, and if not rewarded in this world, then surely in the next. Britain, America, the world: none will be the same forever and henceforth.

Metta World Peace dons his riot gear, ready to do battle with what ails the Queen Mother.

Or, he’ll spend some time playing basketball in a subpar League even by European standards, maybe riding a double decker, making funny faces at those red-coated soldiers in the funny hats, that aren’t allowed to smile. You know, typical TGIF sitcom goes to Europe type stuff; Chevy Chase type stuff. And, in the end, the Lakers and the NBA will probably notice just how far his talents have slid over the last few years and that what he brings to the table is no longer a piece to the great championship jigsaw puzzle.

But, it’s still nice to dream about the possibilities, even if we are getting a bit carried away; after all, Ron Artest Metta World Peace does know a thing or two about violence, transformation, and moving on.