Dancing With The Stars, Week 3: Memo to Kate Gosselin, Aiden Turner, and Jake Pavelka – Give In!

What’s gotten into the stars?

“I’m not asking you – I’m telling you,” barked Jake Pavelka of “The Bachelor” on last week’s show.

“Be patient – otherwise, I’ll leave,” snapped soap star Aiden Turner.

“You’re not taking into consideration how I learn,” complained reality queen Kate Gosselin before walking off in a huff. “I’m done – I’m done today.”

You didn’t hear Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger or Olympic figure skater Evan Lysacek snarl at their teachers like that – and it’s not just because they were Number 1 and 2 going into last week’s episode while Kate and Aiden ranked behind everyone except an 80-year-old man (astronaut Buzz Aldrin). It’s because Nicole and Evan perform live under intense pressure on a regular basis and they know the key to success is opening yourself up to the coaching process and making yourself vulnerable – not blaming your coach for pushing you past your limits.

“Dancing With The Stars” is a glitzy version of a popular event in the ballroom world – the “pro/am” competition in which amateurs are paired with professionals. In my career as a dance teacher, I have often found myself in the middle of such emotional practice-room dramas.

It’s a tough situation for everyone involved. For the student – especially beginners – there is a long period when you feel terribly awkward. You try and fail. Then you try again and fail again. Your body is simply not accustomed to moving the way your teacher wants it to move. Your ego gets bruised. You become defensive. You think you’ll never get it. You start blaming the teacher for driving you too hard, for not caring how you feel.

The professionals, of course, are human, too – as we saw when Tony Dovolani and Edyta Sliwinkska stormed off the practice floor (Tony even peeled off his mic and said, “I quit” before returning to make up with Kate). The teachers are under tremendous pressure to make their students look good – for many, their livelihood depends on it. They sometimes forget what it’s like to be a student and can fall into the trap of becoming impatient and sarcastic.

For this delicate relationship to work, the student has to be deeply humble, trust his teacher , and submit to the teacher’s authority. This can be hard for some men when their teacher is a woman – though, as Kate showed, women find it difficult, too. Talking back and trying to control the lesson doesn’t work – it’s a sure sign the student has not lowered her defense mechanisms enough to be transformed from an ordinary person into a dancer. You can see in Aiden and Kate’s stiff performances that their guard is still up and they are resisting the process. Transformation is hard for all of us – deep down, we are afraid of becoming the new person our teacher is asking us to be.

The teacher, meanwhile, has to be endlessly patient – something my toddler daughter reminds me every day. Dance students are really like children learning to walk – and getting impatient will only make them afraid to get up and try again. Professional dancers who learned from an early age to submit to the will of the teacher have to realize that it takes time for non-dancers to trust that scary process. There will be many struggles until a true bond with the teacher is established.

It will make great theater on Monday night to see how well Jake, Aiden, and Kate and their teachers navigate this minefield – and the answers will be clear on the dance floor. Shannen Doherty seemed to make great progress in that respect – she got frustrated and broke into tears during practice but came out with great energy in the Jive and showed signs of tapping into her true potential. That’s why it was a shame – and a bit puzzling – to see her voted off the show Tuesday night.

Below is my ranking of the 10 remaining dancers and some advice about what they need to do with Monday night’s Waltz, Paso Doble, or Quickstep to stay in the game for another week.

Tatiana’s Ranking Changes Since Last Week: Erin Andrews pulled ahead of Pamela Anderson, whose over-the-top sexuality that worked so well with the Cha-Cha in Week 1 was distracting and inappropriate for the Fox Trot in Week 2. Aiden Turner leapfrogged Chad Ochocinco for the opposite reason – he was stiff in the Cha-cha but confident in the Fox Trot. And Buzz Aldrin impressed me more than he did the judges (who each gave him a 4) to move out of last place ahead of the still-tentative Kate Gosselin, who should follow judge Len Goodman’s advice: “Go out fighting!”

Tatiana’s Rankings of Last Week’s Performances

1. Evan Lysacek (you’re making a great transition from a solo performer to part of a couple; keep it up!)

2. Nicole Scherzinger (you’re very talented but working too hard – try to make it seem more effortless)

3. Jake Pavelka (you’re executing your routines cleanly, but work on the connection between your upper and lower body)

4. Erin Andrews (you have good flexibility – nice job on the split last week – but your movements need to be more fluid and less jerky)

5. Pamela Anderson (get into the character of each dance rather than playing a sex siren every time)

6. Niecy Nash (you’re charismatic and loveable but put your mind process into your footwork and posture)

7. Aiden Turner (much improved over last week but open your chest and stand straighter)

8. Chad Ochocinco (use your height and long legs and arms to create bigger lines and push off your feet to create smoother movements across the floor)

9. Buzz Aldrin (your timing was precise last week but you need clearer footwork)

10. Kate Gosselin (you’re still too dependent on Tony – try to bring more energy onto the dance floor)