Advice for Kinky Prudes

Dear Jonathan Katz,

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four years. I recently found out he cheated on me about two years in. When I confronted him, he broke down, said he felt terrible and would never do it again. He says it was just the one time and I believe him. Obviously this has been on my mind, and the weird thing is…the thought of him with another woman sort of turns me on. I don’t like the idea of him sleeping around, but for some reason the idea of watching him with someone else is hot. I absolutely do not want to give him permission to cheat, but now I can’t get it out of my head. How do I reconcile this fantasy I’d never want to actually come true?

Kinky Prude

Dear Ms. Kinky,
What turns one person on may disgust another. What is important is to document the event about which you fantasize, but to do it in a way that does not threaten your relationship. I get the sense that you love each other and he will be true to you. You should try acting out this fantasy with an older, more experienced man, and a young woman that you find attractive. Film it and send it to me for an honest evaluation. Only then can I truly determine your commitment to this man which is really the central issue.

I hope this has been helpful,

Jonathan Katz