After 42 years of practicing law, Fort Worth-based defense attorney Ralph DeHart told reporters he is actually starting to believe his own bullshit.
Standing on the steps of the courthouse hearing his latest murder case, DeHart said he feared his new belief in himself would ruin his business. “It just feels so strange,” DeHart said. “It never occurred to me that I might actually be telling the truth sometimes.”...read more
Modern Norse Pagans expressed outrage over internet rumors that there would be no skull crushing whatsoever in ‘Thor: The Dark World,’ a sequel to the 2011 film based on the Marvel Comics property. Thor is worshipped as the God of Thunder in Norse Paganism....read more
“Look, if journalists would get off their high horse and actually talk to the people they cover, they would learn most people are pretty interesting if you just give them a chance,” the editor said....read more
The happy anticipation that filled the parents of 28-year-old Sammy Ludwig upon his return for a “quick break from Asheville” just this morning has quickly been replaced by the crushing realization that Sammy is a huge and utter disappointment.
It began during the 30 minute car trip home, during which Sammy explained that the PhD student, Liz, he had been dating was just on a “different life plan,” “super boring,” and was “no longer interested in dating me” — crushing news for the Ludwigs, who had hoped Liz was putting Sammy on the right track. Sammy then proceeded to inform his parents that this eight roommates had asked him to move out after he “supposedly stole someone’s laptop,” and that the improv classes Ludwig’s parents had paid for was “full of unfunnies” and not worth his time, despite the class’s non-refundable fee....read more
Hulk Hogan is certain Anne Frank would have been a Hulk-A-Maniac. In an exclusive interview with The Faster Times, Hogan said he was deeply insulted by Justin Bieber’s suggestion that the famous Holocaust diarist might have been a “Belieber” had she survived Hitler’s reign of terror....read more
According to sources who heard the song, “Accidental Homosexual,” is about a passionate one-night stand involving two men, one of whom is drunk and bears a striking resemblance to Brad Paisley....read more
An NFL punter with knowledge of the situation announced on Thursday that four separate NFL mascots might come out as furries on the same day in the near future. The announcement has elicited mixed reaction across the league.
The term “furry“ has several definitions, including people who like to role play anthropomorphic characters while wearing furry costumes and people who are sexually aroused by furry costumes....read more
The world may never know how the ‘Iron Lady’ maintained her rock-hard glutes. On Monday, Mad Bootay Productions recalled 50,000 units of “Twerkin’ with Margaret Thatcher,” a fitness DVD starring the now deceased former British Prime Minister. The DVD was released on April 1....read more
In the wake of an investigation revealing alleged evidence tampering and still reeling from their recent financial woes, the Bank of Cyprus announced it would be “repackaging” itself as a gyro stand, effective immediately. Bank of Cyprus CEO Yiannis Kupri made the announcement during a morning press conference cut short because Kupri had to excuse himself to go slice vegetables....read more
Speaking at a press conference hastily thrown together in a bombed out warehouse on the outskirts of the city, Ahmed ibn Nisralla told members of the press the agent had been arrested while spending a day at the beach with some of Hezbollah’s top officials....read more
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