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Mason Lerner

Mason Lerner is a freelance writer and stand-up comedian in Austin, TX. His works has appeared in the Houston Chronicle, ESPN the Magazine and many other publications. Lerner is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin with a degree in Anthropology. He has a football soul that was torn in two by decades of torture at the hands of his hometown Houston Oilers before their exile in 1996 and their subsequent replacement by the Houston Texans, an organization that has been like an infestation of incurable head lice in its ability to keep Lerner scratching his gigantic dome. You see, Lerner was essentially a life-sized bobble-head doll until an extensive weight training program allowed his body to catch up with his planet-sized melon in 2003. When he is down, he closes his eyes and imagines Hakeem Olajuwon shooting baseline jumpers. He still believes that VY will be back. And don’t expect him to have anything nice to say about Oklahoma. Ever.

Mason Lerner Articles
Mason Lerner |
09.22.2011

What is Rick Perry’s Real Stance on the Border?

Last month, during the heated GOP versus Rick Perry debate, there was obviously a lot of lunacy. Mitt Romney’s hair stole jealous glances at his Texan adversary’s naturally stunning locks. Michele Bachmann proved to be very much like her version of President Obama without a teleprompter. I thought there was an

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Mason Lerner |
09.07.2011

A Texan on Rick Perry: Be Afraid!

Why I Fear Rick Perry

It’s fun to make fun of Rick Perry. It’s fun to make fun of Texas. And to an extent, I understand that we deserve it. Rick Perry definitely deserves it. Unfortunately, the man feeds off ridicule, and it only makes him stronger. So stop, you big meanies.

I

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Mason Lerner |
08.24.2010

Vince Young Shining Like a Star, Matt Leinart Playing Like Used Trojan

Vince Young Looks Sharp on MNF

It’s starting to look like the groove Vince Young got back last year is here to stay. The young quarterback was stellar in four series in the Titans’ 24-10 victory over the Arizona Cardinals at LP field.

“In four series of action, Young completed nine of 13

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Mason Lerner |
07.30.2010

Kwame Brown, Brian Scalabrine and DJ Mbenga Demanding to Sit on Bench Together

The Oxygen Network announced today that it will be dedicating an hour of air time this Sunday to Kwame Brown’s free agency decision. Although Brown has not yet announced his intentions, rumors have been circulating for weeks that he has been meeting regularly with fellow free agents DJ Mbenga and Brian

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Mason Lerner |
07.15.2010

Mike Tyson Details Interview + How He Can Save Boxing AGAIN

Mike Tyson opens up in the latest issue of Details magazine, and the results are shockingly cogent, logical and at times even moving. Mike Tyson is the rare washed up celebrity that doesn’t blame his mistakes on anyone but himself. And he likely has more right to do that than your

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Mason Lerner |
11.30.2009

Atlanta Hawks Soaring: The NBA’s Top Five Early Surprise Teams

Yes, it is still early in the season, but not too early to start tracking some of the feel-good, surprise stories in the league. While it is true that all of these teams could easily be broken, also-ran castoffs by this time next week, they have each fared either better than

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Mason Lerner |
11.16.2009

Ron Artest tells Trevor Ariza, “That’s My Shoe, Punk!”

Last night, amidst a 101- 91 beating from the scrappy Houston Rockets, the los Angeles Lakers’ Ron Artest did something that only Ron Ron could do without fear of reprisal:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vu1zMV5j0fo

RonRon is officially the Debo of the NBA. I love how Ariza shrugs his shoulders as if to say,”Coach is

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Mason Lerner |
11.13.2009

Lebron James Wants NBA to Retire Michael Jordan’s Number; Other Things the NBA Should Send to the Retirement Home

LeBron James has been putting a lot of thought into it, and he thinks every player in the NBA who wears the number 23 should give it up to honor Michael Jordan.

“I just think what Michael Jordan has done for the game has to be recognized in some way-soon,” James said.

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Mason Lerner |
11.11.2009

Oy Vey, the Irony: Jeremy Tyler Quit School to Hoop with People of the Book

Jeremy Tyler quit high school to play pro hoops in Israel. That is just awesome. What will be next? I suppose a parent will eventually attempt to cryogenically freeze their teen with the plan to thaw them out in a year when their draft prospects seem to be the best. It

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Mason Lerner |
11.10.2009

Kareem Abdul Jabbar Involved in Real Life Game of Death

Word broke today that Kareem Abdul Jabbar is battling leukemia. But I ain’t too worried about it. What chance does Death have against a guy who busted his buns every night for like 200 years in the NBA? I’d like to see Death drag Walton and Lanier up and down

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