Greg-Schiano NFL Spread Picks Week 16: The Peyton Manning Revenge Special rscover2 NFL Spread Picks Week 15: Funky Fresh Wade Phillips Is Coming To Town Screen Shot 2013-12-07 at 3.03.54 PM NFL Spread Picks Week 14: Playoff Predictions ScreenShot2013-10-22at10.39.05AM_crop_north NFL Spread Picks Week 13: The Legend of Andy Reid
Joe Lazauskas
Joe Lazauskas

Editor of The Faster Times. Managing Editor at Contently. Twitter: @joelazauskas

Joe Lazauskas Articles
Greg-Schiano
Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
12.21.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 16: The Peyton Manning Revenge Special

RAMS (-4) over Bucs

It’s so cute the way Greg Schiano says things like, “We’re a couple pieces away from being a dominant defense,’’ as if he’s actually going to have a job in two weeks.

Browns (+2.5) over JETS

The fact that New Yorkers won’t be allowed to see Saints-Panthers at 1 pm because this game is on is a fucking crime. I don’t get that rule. No one is going to become a Jets fan just because they were forced to watch a meaningless game against the Browns in December. I’m too lazy to figure out who’s actually responsible for this, so I’m just going to blame Time Warner Cable.

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rscover2
Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
12.15.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 15: Funky Fresh Wade Phillips Is Coming To Town

TITANS (+3) over Cardinals

Cardinals (-3) is the kind of bet that sounds great until it’s 1:33 PM on Sunday and a jet-lagged Carson Palmer is on the sidelines blowing hot air into his hands and looking like your hungover dad the day after Christmas.

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Screen Shot 2013-12-07 at 3.03.54 PM
Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
12.07.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 14: Playoff Predictions

We’ve reached the three-quarter mark in the NFL season, which means that I have to start contemplating a terrible reality where I have an irrefutable excuse for sit on my couch for 11 hours every Sunday drinking, gambling and yelling at people who can’t hear me. It also means that we’re in prime position to figure out who’s going to be playing in January. Let’s sort that out while making Week 14 picks.

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ScreenShot2013-10-22at10.39.05AM_crop_north
Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
11.29.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 13: The Legend of Andy Reid

CHIEFS (+5) over Broncos

I’m especially impressed by obese coaches. Yesterday, lying on the couch moaning after eating a third of a turkey, half a brisket, and 45% of a pumpkin pie, my stomach ballooning to a physics-defining size, I realize that this must be what Andy Reid feels like all the time. Or at least a significant amount of the time. And yet, he’s one of the best football coaches on the planet, working his ass off 20 hours a day to outsmart the most brilliant football minds in the world.

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Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
11.22.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 12: Clemens vs. McCown — An Acid Trip Back To 2003

BEST BETS

Jaguars (+10) over TEXANS

Everyone talks about the Jaguars being an NFL-record 27-point underdog to the Broncos as a definitive low-point, for the franchise but I think that this is far worse.

The Broncos have a historically incredible offense; it’s not hard to imagine any team losing to them by 28 points on the wrong day. Being a double-digit underdog against a 2-8 team with the saddest quarterback controversy since Ryan Lindley vs. John Skelton is far, far worse.

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Tom Coughlin
Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
11.16.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 11: The Tom Coughlin Tune-Out Theory

GIANTS (-4.5) over Packers

I have a theory about the Tom Coughlin era Giants, who always seem to play like absolute shit for a 6-week stretch every season and are great the rest of the time: The team just tunes Coughlin out for a month and a half every year, and this year, the tune-out game early.

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Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
11.03.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 9: The Casey Keenum Quandry

BEST BETS

Colts (-1) over TEXANS

With spreads as delicious as this one, I suspect that Vegas is trying to trick me, and when I suspect that Vegas is trying to trick me, I personify it. Most people probably think of Vegas as some 1950s Gangster chomping on a thick cigar and drinking expensive whiskey, but me, I think of Vegas as a rich, charming bro with a suspicious look in his eye that says he’s about to put a roofie in my drink or has secret knowledge that Casey Keenum is a lost Manning brother…Or both.

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Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
10.31.2013

Bengals-Dolphins Spread Pick: Dalton’s Dominance

Bengals (-3) over DOLPHINS How must it feel to be Ryan Tannehill and Andy Dalton? As second and third-year quarterbacks, respectively, they’re completely overshadowed by the Gang of Five — Cam Newton, RG III, Colin Kaepernick, Russell Wilson, and Andrew Luck (listed in order of Jon Gruden’s sexy-time wish list). No one can take Tannehill seriously because he’s the fourth-best QB in his class and doesn’t even know who plays in his division. No one can take Andy Dalton seriously because he’s a ginger. ...read more
Journey And Rascal Flatts Headline The Super Bowl XLVII CMT Crossroads Concert
Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
10.26.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 8: the Rams Drunk-Dial Brett Favre

My friend John has the perfect football wife; she loves the game and plays fantasy with fervor. A couple of weeks ago, she wanted to book a tour of Long Island wineries for this weekend, and considerately asked John when the then-winless Giants were playing that Sunday. John—a Giants fan but not someone who harbors an unhealthy obsession with the entire NFL—told her not to worry about it. After all, the Giants season was pretty much over.

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Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
10.19.2013

NFL Spread Picks Week 7: Jets Return to Earth, Casey Keenum Era Begins

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Puntacularly funny image via Metro.us

 

BEST BETS

Cowboys (+3) over EAGLES

Good news everyone! After this game, an NFC East team will have to have a winning record for the first time since Week 1. Unless there’s a tie. Which would be SO NFC Easty of Jason Garret and Chip Kelly, who are probably two years away from doing Buccaneers games together for FOX.

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