Swing Dance Lessons Fail to Bring About Sex

swing dancers

In what’s being called a “profound disappointment” and “ridiculous waste of time,” St. Paul, Minnesota resident Mark Craig says that 12 weeks of swing dance lessons failed to get him laid even once.

“It’s extremely upsetting,” said Craig. “All that time and energy for nothing. I didn’t even get a hand job out of it.”

Craig said that he signed up for the course despite the mockery of his fraternity brothers because he was sure it would lead to “mad pussy.”

“I did the gayest moves out there on the dance floor,” said Craig. “I even wore suspenders one time. It just doesn’t seem right.”

Craig says that he won’t be returning to the class and is considering a lawsuit against the dance company.


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Buzz Feldman
Buzz Feldman is a writer and blogger in Brooklyn. ...read more


  • http://twitter.com/LoveAnnArbor Nicholas Garaycochea

    Hilarious and true.

  • http://profiles.google.com/richardstarr Richard Starr

    Women say they want guys that dance. This is sort of true.

    The problem is, is if there is a limited dance scene and either they or a
    friend has been burned by dating a dancer before, then they will happily
    dance with you, but that’s it, because they don’t want to make the scene

    Of course this goes out the window if she thinks you are hot or if you are such an insanely good dancer that the ladies que up to dance with you. Then they will date you to get an “edge”. Dancing for most guys just ends up being a
    chance to communicate and give them something to do where they are
    expected to lead and touch women. This leads to increased confidence and
    confidence leads to increased odds of getting a date.

    To get “laid” you need to be a decent dancer and be on a dance exchange.
    This leads to the equivalent of vacation sex. You both know there is almost
    zero chance of a real relationship or even seeing each other anytime soon.

  • Swinger

    He’s doing it wrong.

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