Nation Furiously Masturbating to New Wendy’s Girl

wendysgirl

A new Nielsen study reports that the citizens of the United States of America are furiously masturbating to the new Wendy’s girl.

“We think these results came from two factors,” said Jim Wendell, a spokesperson for Nielsen. “First, there’s the pent-up sexual tension: Americans had been trying to masturbate to commercials starring Dave Thomas and his fat ass daughter for over 50 years and failing. It’s like dropping filet mignon into a pack of hyenas.”

“The second factor is that she’s just an exquisite piece of ass,” Wendell continued.

Nielsen reports that Wendy’s has had to remove life-size cutouts of the new Wendy’s girl from dozens Wendy locations after mass bouts of public masturbation broke out. In one instance in Clifton, NJ, the police were summoned but merely proceeded to rub one out upon arrival.

 

Comments

  • penguirl

    WTF??? That’s not even close to being funny. Thank you for objectifying women again, because we haven’t been objectified enough already.

    • 7777777

      I would objectify her so hard!

      • Hdsudhdhd

        I second this statement as a statement of fact.

    • Nezecaneber Alexander

      calm down, nobody is objectifying you, or is that the problem? You call me if you talk to this chick and she seems to mind all the attention… and I’ll turn the channel next time i see her on a commercial… til then… FAP, FAP, FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP,FAP!!!!

    • PinguinKIlla

      Penguirl huh? Yeah. Very attractive there, bowling pin.
      Anyway, hot chicks INSIST on being objectified. Being a gentleman, I must oblige.
      Also, this isn’t the NY Times, Humorless one.

    • robingee

      And it’s insufferably pedestrian writing to boot. Bor-ing.

    • mambobananapatch

      I totally agree. Permit me to contribute my objectification.

      fap fap fap

    • maxsnafu

      Typical feminist whining.

  • Bryan

    I thought it was pretty funny

  • Blah

    @ad95b5d333cc8009f2f1877a7939b4ec:disqus: Objectification of women will NEVER stop… I think you’re probably just mad that no one has ever objectified you.

    • Skaði

      And you have never had the 8=D or even the /v since you were in highschool.

  • TDYK13

    She’s ridiculous hot. And one of the first Wendy’s commercials starring her; you can see her butt. Find it, pause it on that frame, and commence to beatin’…

  • Mr. Boxx Smack

    She is absolutely horrendous and more annoying than any other woman is after sex. I literally want to slap the ginger off of her pasty mug

  • Ron Mcdonald

    I want her hot and juicy, hold the cheese!

  • Shane

    I love the commercial where she says “Going in”…….need I say any more???

  • Guest

    I consider myself a feminist. Therefore, when I masterbate, I think about wining and dining her, dating her for a while, then repeatedly bending her over.

    <3 red heads <3

  • Chris

    I consider myself a feminist. Therefore, when I masterbate, I think about wining and dining her, dating her for a while, then repeatedly bending her over.

    <3 red heads <3

  • Luvz2spooge

    Well it is truth there is smoothing about her that maker her really attracting ^__^ < 3

  • robingee

    Was this written by the “hilarious” dude in any given office?

  • possum youngblood

    I’m in love with a Mcdonalds girl–Dean Friedman

  • Possum Youngblood

    I’m in love with the Mc Donalds girl–Dean Friedman

  • Concerned in Arizona

    This is saddening. Whoever created this website and participates in these stories…..I fear for your soul. Please think about the youth out there that are reading things like this.

    • Skaði

      Most youth masturbate and watch movies with swearing in them. Savvy?

  • ditch runner

    Her mouth is perfect

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