It’s Official: Americans are the Coolest

Americans worried about crippling levels of unemployment, increasingly unstable income gaps between rich and poor, the apparent transformation of one of our major political parties into a take-no-prisoners apocalyptic cult, rampant unchecked criminality in government and finance, and the continued baffling popularity of Dancing with the Stars can take comfort in something:  at least the rest of the world doesn’t think we’re dorks.

This according to the results of an international poll, which ranked Americans as the world’s “coolest nationality”.  The poll was conducted by alleged social networking website “The Badoo” (www.badoo.com) which asked 30,000 people across 15 nations to name the coolest nationality.  And it turns out that Europeans and South Americans 18-34 years old who use their phones to tell them when somebody nearby is DTF tend to think that Rihanna and Scarface are the shit.  Go figure.

The poll also “found” that Brazilians ranked second-coolest and Spanish ranked third-coolest.  Also, Brits are cooler than Argentinians, apparently?  Germans, Canadians, Turks and Poles rounded out the bottom of the list, with Belgians being the least cool of all.  That’s rough.  They have a country full of chocolate and waffles and delicious beers and trippy Magritte paintings and people still think they’re square.  Poor Belgium.

But Americans landed on top of the coolness heap, with our dazzling bling and our swinging nuts and our movies about cars driving around all crazy fast.  But it’s not just our pop culture that makes us the prettiest girl in school.  “America boasts the world’s coolest leader, Obama,” says Lloyd Price, Badoo’s Director of Marketing who has not kept up with politics since January of 2009.

In unrelated news, Badoo believes they could double or triple their business by expanding into English-speaking markets.  However, after being ranked lowest for privacy among 45 social networking sites and the circulation of reports that numerous Badoo profiles had been created without the knowledge or consent of the individuals profiled, the site will probably have to concoct some sort of marketing stunt to garner American attention.  Whatever form that might take.

Upon release of the poll results, excited Americans collectively rode their skateboards over to their friend’s loft to watch Death Wish 3 and get some more ink on their tattoo sleeve that depicts the Fibonacci sequence via a series of chord progressions.

[photo via AlishaV]

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