Shaq Confident He Will Eventually Make Funny Quip on TNT
Despite a rough start to the 2013 playoffs, Shaquille O’Neil is confident he will eventually contribute a funny quip to a TNT broadcast. So far O’Neil has focused o... ...read more
Mom Responds to News of Daughter’s Kidnapping with Frowny-Face Emoticon
When Megan Saunders, 17, of Stamford, Conn., failed to return home from school last Friday, her father Tom was concerned, but thought his daughter might have just gone into the ... ...read more
Justice Department Reading This as I Type It
Thanks to an unprecedented expansion of surveillance policies and easy to get keystroke spying software, the Justice Department is reading this as I type it. Because of that, ri... ...read more
Congressional Republicans Warned to Seek Medical Attention if IRS Scandal Erection Lasts More Than Four Hours
According to reports, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has remained “fully erect” through the duration of the IRS scandal. The American Heart Association put o... ...read more
Procrastinators Meetup Group’s Event Date Remains Unscheduled
When the Procrastinators Group was formed on Meetup.com, there was hope that procrastinators would soon be able to share their passion for putting things off. Alas, the inaugur... ...read more
Surgeon General Pleads For Americans to Chew Their Food 3 or 4 Times At the Very Least
Conceding that the recommended 30 chews per bite was frankly unrealistic in a nation of shameless gorgers, United States Surgeon General Regina Benjamin pleaded for Americans t... ...read more
Desperate Mom Still Riding Mother’s Day High
In what some are calling a Mother’s Day miracle and others are dismissing as the desperate delusions of a sad woman, Westchester Mom Kate Greenfield is still clinging to ... ...read more
First Openly Straight Figure Skater Comes Forward
The international figure skating community was shocked yesterday to hear two-time American gold medalist Peter Watson publicly announce that he was a heterosexual. “I couldn’t h... ...read more
Homeless Guy Woos Silicon Valley VCs with Low-Tech Crowdfunding Startup
Sitting on a bench in front of the Menlo Park Starbucks, John Davis is wearing roughed up Converse, vintage Levi’s and a parka, even though it’s 80 degrees out. He h... ...read more
Which Pope Wore It Sexiest?
New Pope Francis has had a scandalous start to his papacy, washing women’s feet and whatnot (YOU GO FRANK!). With such an erotic display, Pope Frank is probably becoming a... ...read more
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First Openly Straight Figure Skater Comes Forward
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Shaq Confident He Will Eventually Make Funny Quip on TNT