Procrastinators Meetup Group’s Event Date Remains Unscheduled
When the Procrastinators Group was formed on Meetup.com, there was hope that procrastinators would soon be able to share their passion for putting things off. Alas, the inaugur... ...read more
Surgeon General Pleads For Americans to Chew Their Food 3 or 4 Times At the Very Least
Conceding that the recommended 30 chews per bite was frankly unrealistic in a nation of shameless gorgers, United States Surgeon General Regina Benjamin pleaded for Americans t... ...read more
Desperate Mom Still Riding Mother’s Day High
In what some are calling a Mother’s Day miracle and others are dismissing as the desperate delusions of a sad woman, Westchester Mom Kate Greenfield is still clinging to ... ...read more
First Openly Straight Figure Skater Comes Forward
The international figure skating community was shocked yesterday to hear two-time American gold medalist Peter Watson publicly announce that he was a heterosexual. “I couldn’t h... ...read more
Homeless Guy Woos Silicon Valley VCs with Low-Tech Crowdfunding Startup
Sitting on a bench in front of the Menlo Park Starbucks, John Davis is wearing roughed up Converse, vintage Levi’s and a parka, even though it’s 80 degrees out. He h... ...read more
Which Pope Wore It Sexiest?
New Pope Francis has had a scandalous start to his papacy, washing women’s feet and whatnot (YOU GO FRANK!). With such an erotic display, Pope Frank is probably becoming a... ...read more
Fan Banging Furiously on Glass Could Be the Difference in Hockey Playoffs
With the second round of a thrilling NHL Playoffs underway, Barry Melrose of ESPN reports that one fan banging furiously on the glass could determine who wins the Stanley Cup. ... ...read more
“Cra Cra” Now Official Diagnosis in New DSM (DSM-5)
Among the many changes in the controversial update to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the psychiatry bible now known as the DSM-5, “Cra Cra̶... ...read more
Local Mom Won’t Stop Being First Person to Like Every Goddamn Thing Son Posts to Facebook
Bronx mom Gloria Steinbaum won’t stop being the first person to like every goddamn thing her son Jake posts on Facebook and it’s getting really embarrassing, Jake Steinbaum tol... ...read more
OfficeMax Marketing Director Struggling to Make Staplers ‘Sexy’ and ‘Conversational’
Despite intense pressure from corporate leadership, OfficeMax Marketing Director Mike Washburn is still struggling to make staplers sexy and conversational. “My boss read an ar... ...read moreFollow Us
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Brooklyn Man Now Living Entirely Off Own Beard Garden
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